“You did okay.”

I have come to the conclusion that we are the sum total of our life experiences.
When I wax philosophical about my time in Vietnam, I wonder "Who would I be today, if I had never been there?"
For good or for ill, it definitely changed me, but did it 'define' me?

Would I be as passionately opposed to torture, if I had not seen men tortured?
Would I be as opposed to using "indiscriminate weapons" if I had not seen the results?
Would I vehemently condemn the use of napalm and white phosphorus, if I had not witnessed the results 'up close and personal'.
Would I feel the same reverence for human life; ALL human life, even the lives of my enemies; if I had not taken life?

I hope that I would have come to the place where I stand, even without those experiences.
But they certainly hastened my journey.
They forced me to confront my own demons.
To question my "pre-Vietnam" values and beliefs.
And they instilled in me an abiding skepticism of everything my government tells me.
To question the motives and agenda of the politician's words.

How much did those 365 days in Vietnam (and the 3 years, 7 months, and 26 days in the USAF) shape the person I am today?
And how much did it cost me?
Was it WORTH the pain and anguish and suffering?

I hope so.
But I'll never know for certain.
Perhaps when I finally get to 'the other side'.
Someone will be standing there waiting.
To say; "You did okay. All things considered, you did okay."
And that will be enough.


Mac